Deep in Thought – Zak/Nick

He wasn’t really sure when it started. It never really started. It just sort of… evolved. Looks lasted longer, became touches. Those touches quickly filled with desire and need, taking them to where they were today. Fucked.

He could have walked away. He had every chance to. Zak gave him so many outs, so many times where he could have just gotten up and left or said no we can’t do this. We can’t do this. But Nick was never able to form those words. He was never good at saying no to Zak, even though he knew he was the only one that could tell him no and have Zak listen. But he couldn’t do it. He wanted it too. Maybe even more so than Zak.

Subconsciously tracing his fingertips over the tattoo on Zak’s back as they lay naked in bed together, Nick thought. He thought about a lot of things these days. It was a conscious decision. There was a lead in. A long lead in actually. It had taken them years to get to this point, having Zak lay naked, half on top of him, sleeping soundly, Nick’s hands free to roam the sleep-warm body. And there were many nights when they did roam. He knew every inch of Zak’s body at this point, from the mole on his inner thigh to the lock of hair that he always has a problem with behind his right ear. When did life get so complicated?

Nick sighed. It was getting harder to hide. They were getting too careless. He was catching things on film and audio now, a few of them he couldn’t edit out. No one said anything to them, but Nick was certain that they all knew, or suspected. But he wasn’t going to be the one to tell them. When would this end? How would this end? Certainly not pretty, but he couldn’t talk with anyone about it. Nick smiled as Zak burrowed deeper into his neck in his sleep. Did he even want it to end? When did life become so full of secrets?

Yes, it had been a conscious decision. He made the first move because he knew Zak wouldn’t do it. He had two options: push Zak against the wall that night and figure all this out, or walk away and continue with the flirting and teasing until one of them broke at a not-so-convenient time. He knowingly chose the first. Zak had whimpered with need that night. Whimpered.

Zak stretched and raised up, yawning. “Still awake?”

“Yeah,” Nick answered.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, laying back down, taking back his position on Nick’s chest and throwing an arm over for good measure.

“Nothing, just thinking,” he answered, laying his hand back on Zak’s back, rubbing his thumb over the soft muscle. So different than a woman.

“‘Bout what?” he mumbled, already drifting off again.

Nick kissed Zak’s hairline and smiled. “Us.” He felt Zak smile against his skin, and closed his eyes.

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