Drive. After each lockdown, Zak would climb in his lambourgini and set out for the open stretches of highway just outside of the city. His foot pressed down to the floor, the wind whipping by the car, pushing against the fiberglass lit his soul on fire. Zak’s blood pumped energy through his body as the outside world became a blur.
Drive. It’s what he did to remember.
Hey, mister, what you got out on that lot
You can sell me in a pinch
Maybe one of them souped-up muscle cars
The kind that makes you think you’re stronger than you are
Every investigation was slow, lovely torture. For what felt like moments, he would get to hold him, touch him, love him. Love him. During those nights, he could run his fingers over his beard. The feeling of it scratching against his naked skin as Nick kissed his way down his chest could turn him on like nothing else. Zak lived for those stolen nights. He lived for the feel of the masculine lines against his; that flex of muscle as they danced together, naked between the sheets. They would have days together but Zak wanted a lifetime.
How fast will it go
Can it get me over [him] quickly, zero to sixty
Can it outrun [his] memory
Drive. It’s what he did to forget. They would come home and Nick would change. He wouldn’t answer his phone calls or his text messages. Nick became married. If Zak would even step near him, he would move away. He liked to think it was because Nick couldn’t resist him, but he knew better. Aaron would tell him to forget it, it’s all just for appearances. Billy just shook his head and told him to be careful. But it was past time for being careful. Zak had donated his heart, gladly given it away to someone that didn’t seem to want it. Nick still smiled. He still joked and went over to Aaron’s house to hang out. But he still hadn’t seen Zak’s dungeon. And he had begged.Begged. Nick had said no. You know what happens when we get alone together. I can’t, Zak. I told you, not in Vegas. After that, Zak considered looking for houses outside the county lines.
Yeah, what I really need is an open road
And a whole lot of speed
Drive. It’s what he did to exist. Without Nick, his heart hurt. He knew he was in love and he didn’t know what to do. Nick would say he loved him, but did he? He would hear him on the phone with his wife, cooing the same words to her with a much different emotion. Then later, they would be on lockdown, wrapped in each other’s arms in a dark corner, and those same three little words would be whispered in his ear. Was it possible to love two people equally? Or was one always going to win out? Zak wasn’t sure if he would be the lucky one, but he liked to gamble.
Throw me them keys so I can put some miles between us
Tear off that rearview mirror, there’s nothing left to see
Let me lean on that gas cuz [he] catches up fast
Drive. It’s just something he did.
*Lyrics from Montgomery Gentry’s Speed. It’s a haunting, depressing song and I kind of tried to capture that essence in this short snippet.