Nick groaned, rolling out of the motel bed and shuffled his way to the door. He sat and listened to Zak pound on the other side for a full five minutes, but apparently the man wasn’t giving up. Leaving the chain on the door, he opened it slowly. Zak fell forward as the door opened, pushing the chain taut. “What the fuck?” Nick asked. The stench of high dollar whiskey seeped out of his pores, assaulting Nick’s nostrils. “You’re drunk.”
“Lemme in,” Zak mumbled.
“No, go to your own room,” Nick said, attempting to close the door.
“No, please,” he whined. “I can’t fucking find my key.” Nick groaned, unchaining the door. Zak stumbled in, landing in the chair across from the bed. “Thanks.”
Nick turned on a light and sat on the bed, clad only in his boxer briefs. “Why don’t you go get a key from the front desk?”
Zak shrugged. Numb fingers began to work the thin cotton of his black tshirt over his head. With a hard yank over his head, the material was thrown, discarded, over by Nick’s suitcase, leaving his hair a disheveled mess. Nick’s hands itched to run through that hair, knowing how sticky it would be from product, but not caring. Zak was adorable when he was drunk, but he had to steel himself to not care, and not react.
Standing up, Zak walked over, placing his hands on Nick’s shoulders. “Help me with my belt?”
Breath hitched in his throat. “Zak…”
“Nick,” he whined, glassy blue eyes staring down at him. “I don’t want to sleep in my pants.”
“Zak, we broke up,” he finally spat out.
“So that means you can’t take my pants off me?”
Nick groaned. “Yes, that’s exactly what that means.”
“I thought that just meant we couldn’t fuck anymore.”
Closing his eyes, Nick sighed. “You know I can’t touch you.”
Leaning down, Zak picked up one of Nick’s hands, placing it on his bare chest. “You’re touching me. Now help me with my belt.”
Nick sighed again. “Fine.” He unclipped Zak’s belt, sliding it out of his belt loops and rolling it nicely, laying it next to him on the bed. Well practiced hands unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. “I think you can take it from there,” he said, handing the belt back to Zak before laying back down on the bed and turning out the light.
Zak pushed his pants down to the floor, dropping the belt on top of them. He pulled back the covers of the King bed, nestling his warm body behind Nick’s, resting an arm over his body. Nick sighed. “Zak,” he said warningly.
He felt his head nuzzle into the back of his neck in response, placing a soft kiss at the top of his spine before a mumbled, “Night.”
Nick closed his eyes, torn between tossing the older man out or letting him sleep it off in his bed to sort it out in the morning. Zak sighed contentedly behind him, pulling him closer as his hand started to trace circles on his chest. The sensation drove Nick wild. “Zak,” he said again, louder this time.
“Missed you,” he mumbled back.
Nick sighed again, detaching himself from the tight grasp and rolling over to face him. “We can’t do this. You need to go back to your room.”
Zak looked hard at him, confused. “This is my room. We always share, Nick.”
Nick smiled sadly, daring to run a hand up the strong arm and around to the bare chest. “Not anymore. You’re drunk, Zak.”
Zak smiled, leaning forward and rolling Nick over onto his back as he lay on top of him. Nick ran his hands down the strong back that he remembered so well. There had been so many nights that they sat and talked like this, sharing kisses between thoughts, just enjoying each other’s private company. Zak leaned forward, kissing him softly. Nick closed his eyes, not returning it. “You should have been there. We missed you at the bar.”
“I had to call my iwife/i, Zak,” he emphasized.
“Oh…” Nick felt the sting in Zak’s body at those words and he regretted saying them. It was a low blow to a drunk man.
“Come on,” he said, rolling Zak off him. “Let’s go down to the front desk and get you another key to your room.”
Zak lay back on the bed, watching as Nick stood up, grabbing his pants and pulling them over his legs. “Come on, G. Get dressed.”
“You should never wear clothing, Nick,” Zak whispered.
Nick grumbled. He knew where this was going. They’ve had ithis/i conversation before. But this time he was not going to drop his pants and boxers and crawl back on the bed. His will had gotten stronger in the month since their breakup and he wasn’t going to let it break down now. “Zak, get up.” He walked over to the side of the bed, turning on the light before helping him get to a sitting position on the side of the bed.
“Why can’t I stay here?” he pouted.
Nick groaned. Running his hands through Zak’s mussed up hair, he said softly, “Because the longer you’re here, the less resistance I have. You need to go to your own room.”
“Don’t you miss me?”
Nick didn’t want to answer that question. He couldn’t answer it. Instead, he held Zak’s shoulders and looked into his blue eyes, “Let’s go downstairs.”
Zak wrapped his arms around Nick’s waist, resting the side of his head against his chest. “Please let me stay. I just want to be close to you.”
Nick’s heart broke. Before him was a broken man. One that he had damaged. Wrapping his arms around the strong shoulders, fingers still in the dark hair, his resistance faltered. “Ok. Just tonight.”
He felt Zak smile against his chest. That was a feeling he had always loved. “Do you want some water before we go to sleep? I don’t want you throwing up on me in the middle of the night.”
Zak shook his head, releasing Nick from his grasp and laying back down, enjoying watching Nick disrobe in front of him. “No. I had three glasses before I left the bar.”
Nick nodded and turned out the light, climbing back in the bed. He let himself be cradled in Zak’s arms. The strong chest against his back, and the calming, reassuring heartbeat reminded him of the way things used to be. This was how he had fallen asleep so many nights in the past ten years. Strong arms wrapped around him, clinging to him as if he would slip away in the middle of the night. He loved the flex of the muscle against his as Zak shifted in his sleep. It always reminded him that if he let him, Zak could overpower him in a heartbeat. Nick sighed as the arms around him finally settled into the position he was used to, one around his waist, the other under his neck and across his shoulders, pulling him back slightly against the body behind him. Resting his head on the tattooed arm, Nick closed his eyes. “Love you,” Zak mumbled into his ear.
Nick smiled into the darkness. iI love you too/i he thought, and drifted off to sleep.