Nick sat on the edge of the bed that he had sometimes shared with his wife over the past 10 years. His gold wedding band felt heavy on his fingertips. The filtered sunlight coming through the curtained window seemed to shine directly on the engraving he remembered special ordering so long ago. Love you forever. His parents had told him to wait. Why did he want to get married so young? He didn’t really understand then why he wanted to get married. He was 19. He thought he was in love. This was the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with and maybe raise a family. Then they started planning for their wedding. Nick could pinpoint the day he fell out of love with his wife. May 19th. Zak and Nick’s first unofficial date. Nick had called him on the premise that he wanted to discuss the music for the wedding, as Zak was deejaying for them. When Zak got to the small restaurant, Nick had admitted that he didn’t call him to talk about music. He spent that night and the next at Zak’s apartment.
For the two months following that up to the wedding day, Nick had Roni make any necessary arrangements with Zak. The simple fear of being attracted to the man and having a repeat episode of those two wonderful nights in his bed kept Nick at bay.
Nick looked at the picture Roni kept on the nightstand from their wedding day. She looked so happy. Nick recognized the look on his own face. Zak had given him the best head he ever remembered having in a back room of the reception hall just minutes before that picture was taken.
Nick slipped the ring back on his left ring finger. It felt right there. But now, ten years down the road, he wanted to replace it with a different ring. One that matched the ring he wanted to give Zak.
Guilt settled deep in Nick’s stomach and threatened to rise into his throat. He felt as though he had wasted a large portion of his life. Worse yet, he had wasted a large portion of Veronique’s life. Standing up from the bed, he pulled a piece of her stationary out of the nightstand. There was only one way to change their lives, for better or worse. Taking a deep breath, Nick scrawled a short note and left it on her pillow, placing his ring on top of it. I’m sorry.